Can I do this mom thing?

Hi there.

As a new mom, I have questioned my role several times. Some of the thoughts that I have pondered:

Should I have waited a few more years?

Am I doing enough?

I miss my quiet times.

Could I have advanced more in my career?

I love my husband and baby so much, why do I feel so sad?

These are just a few.

I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant with my sweet baby. When I planned to tell my husband, it was me and her for a full day. I created a Star Wars-themed scavenger hunt and waited as patiently as possible for him to come home. The time came. My heart was filled with joy when I saw his reaction that he would be a "Dad-alorian." This was the sweet beginning of our new chapter!

Going to every prenatal appointment excited to hear my baby’s heartbeat and see how she was growing inside of my tummy amazed me. I couldn’t be happier than knowing I would be a mama. The two of us were growing for the next nine months, and we all waited patiently for her arrival.

The day came! My baby girl arrived, and I was filled with so much love for her and grateful to hold her safely in my arms. After what felt like the longest day of my life, we could all sit down, breathe, and enjoy our newborn baby. As I lay down, recovering and resting, the nerves began to flood in. Was I swaddling her right? Am I nursing her correctly? Is she latched on and getting enough milk? I asked so many questions but still felt as though I was doing it all wrong. On top of that, I was exhausted and felt maybe I made the wrong decision to nurse. Would I be able to wake up every 2 hours? Can I change my mind? What would others think? This would be harder than expected.

One thing I want to make clear is that bringing my sweet girl into the world was one of the best things to happen to me, but all the while, I was starting to feel anxious and depressed. Going out in public was too much. Where would I feed her? I am not confident in nursing in public yet. Maybe I should change to bottle feeding and formula. There are so many things to do, and I feel there is not enough time to do them. I could probably fill a couple of pages of things I dealt with internally. Months flew by, and I was depressed and overwhelmed. I started medication, confided in my husband and family, and tried to find hobbies that would make me happy. Nothing was helping though. I needed the touch of our heavenly Father to help me get out of my rut.

And He did. His words in scripture were comforting me and were the place I ran to. Sitting in His presence, crying out with nothing to give but my tears, Jesus gave me comfort that I felt no one else could. He began touching my mind and reminding me that He was in every part of my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I felt He wanted me to look to Him in every moment and know that there was nowhere in my home where He wasn't with me. In every corner of my house, the Lord was with me. That is a reminder I still need today. When days feel long, and I begin to question my role as a mom, He reminds me sweetly, "I am with you."

With this first blog post, I feel the need to share with you that you are not alone and things WILL get better; if in fact, this is something you can relate to. I feel it strongly within me to share my personal stories with you because when I was going through my sadness, I wanted a place to know that I was not alone either. Today, I am here to tell you that it DID get better. With my husband beside me, family members speaking life, talking about it with others, and focusing on God’s truth helped me. Understanding that I could not do it all alone was the first step. I needed to come to terms with the fact that I needed to let go of perfection and allow things to get done one step at a time. I did not improve overnight. It took nearly a year for me to get into the momentum of mom life and experience healing.

One of the things that helped me was laying down all the expectations that I had for myself and giving them up. I don’t need to be perfect to be a good mom. My family doesn’t expect perfection out of me. God does not expect perfection out of me. All that is required of me is to provide my best. My best may look different on some days. But I believe that is when God wants me to put my trust in Him and feel the comfort of His love.

Another thing that helped me was finding an outlet. That meant when my baby was napping, I was either sleeping or doing something that I enjoyed. I didn’t know what I wanted to do at first, so I explored Hobby Lobby for hours. Tried crocheting, knitting, coloring, drawing, baking, and scrapbooking. None of these hobbies stuck, but it took me trying them to know that they weren’t for me. And that’s okay!

What I did find was that I enjoy writing, singing, reading, playing the piano, going on walks, making candles, and going to coffee shops. These outlets gave me a space to be creative and do something I enjoy so that when I spend time with my family, I can give them my all.

With the help and healing I have, I soon found that the questions I had at the beginning were fading away, as I soon realized that maybe I could do this mom thing after all! Continuing to surrender my imperfections and replacing them with my best, I can focus on the life I am building with my husband. With God at the forefront, I am glad I am going through this journey. Most days are not all rays of sunshine and rainbows. I can attest to that when I think about my day yesterday! As we walk through this journey, please know that we are not alone in all of this. We were made specially to be mothers. 🩷